First and foremost I am a mom. I’m Mom to an amazing ten-and-a-half year old girl whom I jokingly say I gave birth to when she was five and a half almost five years ago.

“Huh? How?” you may ask.

I can’t remember not wanting to be a mom. Sure I had my dolls, but at the age of five I learned that real babies are much more fun when my nephew arrived in the world. I loved babies then, still love them now, but I love other peoples’ babies, you know the ones you can return when they start to cry, poop and projectile vomit. (When they are your own baby people tend to look at you funny when you try to pass them a screaming/puking/pooping child. I know. I’ve given that look to friends with babies.) I have to say I never felt that longing to have a baby.

I started on this journey to being a mom shortly before my 40th birthday. My closest friend in the world had twins with his husband through a serrogate. Then my niece had given birth to a beautiful son. I felt something happen in me. I felt this need to be a mom NOW.

My mom had offered to her support years ago should I decide to become a single mom. I brushed it off joking about maybe if she picks up my bar tab one night, let me see what can happen. My friend Mantelle who always went to Phillies games with us with a kid in tow saw me with her children and told me I needed to be mom. My coworkers/friend Terri said I would make a great mom one day. I mean I had been Aunt Tracy to my nephew and three nieces since I was five, but yet I was terrified to do this alone.

Then one night watching HGTV I had the epiphany I needed. On House Hunters this single woman was pregnant with a child through IVF. She and her sister were looking for a house for her soon to be family of two. Listening to her talk I just started to cry. Who cries watching HGTV? I mean I could see the occassional cry of “Why can’t Chip and Joanna Gaines do homes in NJ?” but House Hunters? Through the tears I started my search. I Googled “adopting foster children NJ.” I started with http://www.adoptuskids.org. Page after page kids from all over the country looking for a family to love them. Eventually I landed on New Jersey’s Division of Children Protection and Permanency’s webpage. This is where I learned about the foster to adopt program. I knew then this is how I was going to be a mom.

Nervously I filled out the form to be included in the first information session they had coming up. I didn’t hesistate but I also didn’t tell anyone I was doing it. I just did it. I tend to over think, but this was not the case this time. Two days later while visiting my friends and their twins in Massachuesetts I got the call inviting me to the foster parent information session.

I cut my trip a day early to make it home in time. I went to the meeting. There were people there like me that just wanted to be a parent, others had been through “the system” and wanted to help now, and then of course there were others that were looking to supplement their income with the financial support the state provides. I believe it was the goal of those involved to remove as many of those in the latter group as possible. We were sent home with paperwork. First phase paperwork. It was no joke.

Within a few days I had my first visit from the recruiter. My house was checked, repairs/suggestions for safety items were made and my paperwork was taken. My second step into the licensing process would begin as soon as I received my own social worker. My captain steering the ship through licensing. She would meet and interview me and give me paperwork to fill out each time she visited. I believe through the licensing phase I was up to 60 pages to fill out about me and what I thought I could offer a child. It was daunting, but again, it was a process and hopefully it thinned out those that were only in it for the money. This was work. I even had to take a class on Saturdays for a month on parenting. The whole process took about six months. Then one day my social worker and now friend Aimee called me to tell me I was officially Licensed2Mom. I even had a child placed with me that day. He was a short term stay, but he was the beginning of my path to motherhood.